Falling from the Sky

for my daughter I held you as you drew your first breaths, Pushed gasping, wailing from within me, emerging bottom first; with Pale shell pink, silken, tiny spindling fingers with ten perfect nails; I tasted them: they tasted of salt and blood. Familiar And warm. These and more were mine now to see, to hold, to love. I felt like I might fly apart from the joy of you. You filled me with wonder and sweet contentment the first time I held you to my breast, With your small perfect lips grasping hungrily on the nipple, Your translucent eyelids falling shut, My finger held snug in your tiny fist, Your blanket-wrapped body cuddled to my belly. We seemed complete....the cord, though severed, Seemed to still exist between us Like a tether, holding us close. I used to imagine that I might find you floating behind me, As I rose to do daily tasks while you slept in your cradle, Looking so like a little frog baby with your legs splayed and bent at the knee.... So strong was our connection; More than once I turned to be sure you weren't really there, Suspended in midair, Following me, unwilling to be apart from me. You were magic then. A small fragile alien Casting spells on my life, My dreams, My soul. Still you have me enchanted, though the distance between us Has stretched that once sacred tether to a fine strand; Still you seem to hover in the air just behind me, Though my eyes cannot see you. But the magic has darkened....you have taken up sorcery, Putting your once-perfect fingers into jars holding substances Better left alone; Flinging your graceful arms out to reach up to the sky, As if to take flight in the night, Moonward. I cannot follow you. You've conjured a dark glamour of lies that obscures you From my view, Like silent deadly drifting smoke. I can feel you, soaring through the heavens, Reaching for stars that will never let you capture them, Your half-mad laughter echoing back to touch my ears With the broken crystals of your tears. And I wish only to see you grow clean new wings That will bear you to the heights you seek, Without paying some terrible toll For deeds done, for debts unpaid, for gifts never claimed, Or opportunities lost...... My heart shatters As you fall from the sky. bonnie cook 3/13/02this is a piece about a very difficult time in my life and my daughter's....things are much different now, but here is the piece anyhow....have at it ;) Written March 13th, 2002 © on Mar 13 2002 08:40 AM PST    18 • 0 • 1