In My Heart Forever
By Brinneall
I wanted to tell you I love you today,But I couldn't seem to get the words out,As I pass you in the halls I turn But I just can't seem to get your attentionAnd then again, I suppose I didn't try too hard.I tried to find you at lunch,But you weren't in your normal seat.Your friend told me you were upset about something,And she couldn't find you either.I almost had her tell you for me,But decided that I'd better do it in person.I have to wonder to myself if perhaps you love me too.I once saw you gazing at me but youSeemed to be crying at the time.Maybe that's why I waited this long.I vowed to tell you in last period, Our only class together.We hated the class,But I loved it, because itBrought me to you.I ran to class to see you,Waited by your desk, and then the bell rang,And you weren't there.I asked your friend where you were.She told me you had gone home sick.As I sat in class, I kicked myselfFor not telling you earlier,And swore that today would be the day,No matter what.But then again, I'd said that before…I knew where you lived,So right after school I droveOver to see you.I even bought you a get well teddy bearHolding a heart that said 'I love you beary much.'I thought it would be a special gift To go with a very special message.My grin widened as I saw that your parents Weren't home to see my profession of love;I was always pretty shy. I had never been to your house before,So I would have had a hard time findingYour room had I not heard your CD playerPlaying that song, it seemed familiar.Oh, yes, it was the song I nearly asked youTo dance with me to.I remember looking at you, about toHead over when another girl stopped meTo ask me to dance with her.I turned her down, and started over to you,But you had already gone.I found you all tucked in bed,Facing away from me towards the window, asleep.I laid my backpack carefully on the groundAnd rounded the bed to see you.You really did look ill, your face was so white,I heard a car door and realized that your parentsMust have gotten home to check on you,So I had to be quick.I set down the teddy bear without looking, kneeled downAnd gently kissed your forehead.Well, a little too gently, I suppose,Because you didn't wake.I shook you a little, and then looked downTo get your perfect white little teddy to present to you…But the teddy wasn't white.He had fallen in some juice and was stainedDark, matching the color of the heart he was holding.And then I saw your arm hanging off the bed,And I saw your wrist, dripping red,And I realized it wasn't juice.And then I screamedAnd screamedAnd even when they found us,I continued screaming in anguish,And then the tears came,Followed by the darknessThey told me that you had left two notesOn your bedstand.One was for your family,It read: I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause you. I only hope that you can take comfort knowing that my pain, the deep agonizing hurt that was unbearable for me, the pain you didn't even know was there, is over now. I will never again shed a tear. I'm in heaven with the angels now. Please remember me for the love I held in my heart, the love I never really had a chance to show. Don't remember me for this. I love each and every one of you deeply, and I will always remain in your hearts. Always and forever.The second note, surprisingly, was for me.It simply stated: I couldn't stand to love you alone for any longer. You're too late.I wanted to tell you I love you today.It took me this to realize that you already knew.I didn't need to tell you of my love today,I needed to show you my love every other day.And I will carry that with me until the day I die.-Jada Marie Andrews4-21-98, Written September 2nd, 2001 © on Sep 02 2001 03:24 PM PST 0 • 1
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"I wanted to tell you I love you today,But I couldn't seem to get the words out,As I pass you in the halls I turn But I just can't seem to get your attentionAnd then again, I suppose I didn't try too hard.I tried to find you at lunch,But you weren't in your normal seat.Your friend told me you were upset about something,And she couldn't find you either.I almost had her tell you for me,But decided that I'd better do it in person.I have to wonder to myself if perhaps you love me too.I once saw you gazing at me but youSeemed to be crying at the time.Maybe that's why I waited this long.I vowed to tell you in last period, Our only class together.We hated the class,But I loved it, because itBrought me to you.I ran to class to see you,Waited by your desk, and then the bell rang,And you weren't there.I asked your friend where you were.She told me you had gone home sick.As I sat in class, I kicked myselfFor not telling you earlier,And swore that today would be the day,No matter what.But then again, I'd said that before…I knew where you lived,So right after school I droveOver to see you.I even bought you a get well teddy bearHolding a heart that said 'I love you beary much.'I thought it would be a special gift To go with a very special message.My grin widened as I saw that your parents Weren't home to see my profession of love;I was always pretty shy. I had never been to your house before,So I would have had a hard time findingYour room had I not heard your CD playerPlaying that song, it seemed familiar.Oh, yes, it was the song I nearly asked youTo dance with me to.I remember looking at you, about toHead over when another girl stopped meTo ask me to dance with her.I turned her down, and started over to you,But you had already gone.I found you all tucked in bed,Facing away from me towards the window, asleep.I laid my backpack carefully on the groundAnd rounded the bed to see you.You really did look ill, your face was so white,I heard a car door and realized that your parentsMust have gotten home to check on you,So I had to be quick.I set down the teddy bear without looking, kneeled downAnd gently kissed your forehead.Well, a little too gently, I suppose,Because you didn't wake.I shook you a little, and then looked downTo get your perfect white little teddy to present to you…But the teddy wasn't white.He had fallen in some juice and was stainedDark, matching the color of the heart he was holding.And then I saw your arm hanging off the bed,And I saw your wrist, dripping red,And I realized it wasn't juice.And then I screamedAnd screamedAnd even when they found us,I continued screaming in anguish,And then the tears came,Followed by the darknessThey told me that you had left two notesOn your bedstand.One was for your family,It read: I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause you. I only hope that you can take comfort knowing that my pain, the deep agonizing hurt that was unbearable for me, the pain you didn't even know was there, is over now. I will never again shed a tear. I'm in heaven with the angels now. Please remember me for the love I held in my heart, the love I never really had a chance to show. Don't remember me for this. I love each and every one of you deeply, and I will always remain in your hearts. Always and forever.The second note, surprisingly, was for me.It simply stated: I couldn't stand to love you alone for any longer. You're too late.I wanted to tell you I love you today.It took me this to realize that you already knew.I didn't need to tell you of my love today,I needed to show you my love every other day.And I will carry that with me until the day I die.-Jada Marie Andrews4-21-98, ..."