Broken (18+)

Prince charming was what you seemed to be... Fuck I was so stupid.... you were just another fucking prep. You had to play the childish damn piss test with me... You had to test and push me..... just to see what I would do. I'm manic you fucking moron, I don't see life the way you do! I am fucking loony tunes; well half the time..... If you do a favor for my I should do it back....thats a good thing to think. But not in my fucking parents driveway.... christ are you nuts? I can't understand what the hell I did to you... There are tings I tried to explain to your silly ass... But apparently you weren't listening..... just being what you are. But none of this is your fault.... you don't give second chances... Oh fucking well it's back to pain for me... hehe I love you I know that I do... you complemented me completely... But I, yes I, fucked everything up... the same way I always do! I was so afraid to be who I was...... so I called a friend for help... I fucked it up worse with help than with out... You made me so damn nervous it wasn't even fucking funny... I was waiting for you to draw back and knock the hell out of me... But you never fucking did, you were fucking sweet and perfect to me. I couldn't really handle that.... the perfect gentalman.. damn ... You kissed my scar, something you one has ever done.... I fucking things up because I was nervous... scared and very unsure. One thing remains... I swore no man or guy would ever break me again.. But you, being the fucking sweetheart that you seemd to be... Throwing me all out of balance... confuseing the fuck out of me.. I just don't know... I fucked up on you one important test... I'm sorry as fuck that... you have to tell me what you want... I DON'T FUCKING READ MINDS!! If that's what you wanted all you had to do was ask.... A man wouldn't say "you should have known ..... i didn't need to say it." That's just fucking stupid.. that's why it never works out and why I fail. Not being normal is my problem, maybe a normal girl would have.... BUT I FUCKING DIDN'T... I had no idea that that is what you wanted.... Friends, FUCK NO.... Ememys, well only to you.... I wish I could be like you and get mad just like that..... I wish I could hate you.... no I wish I was with you again.... You fucking broke me.... something I never wanted to happen again.. I cut twenty-two cuts into my arm.... in a straight row.... All the way down it, evenly spaced.... that's how I dealt with this pain. You fucking broke me..... You made me cry and to feel like I was nothing. But nothing I can do will make me forget you.. or what you said. As I said before, yes "I" FUCKED it all up.... Not you, me..... I was the reason it didn't work..... But I just wanted you to know about it all.. To congradulate you on breaking me..... on makeing me feel pain again. To help me go back to the cutting I left  a few months ago... To almost put me in my grave, But all on my own... If i die for any reason it will not be you.... I will never fucking love again..... Never fucking again... This just happens all over again..... I'm the type you fuck with...... I'm not the type you date. I'm just a whore to you; a fucking slut..... NEVER FUCKING AGAIN!!!well I am up set and yes the scars are really there sorry i tend to get up set if shit like that happens!!!!!! Written March 26th, 2002 © on Mar 26 2002 05:12 AM PST, Jessica Taylor   18 • 0 • 1