Devistaded

I just don't know what to say. I just feel empty; untouchable... I know I should feel happy... But I'm utterly and completely... DEVISTADED I don't guess most of this shit matters. Everyone's laughing and haveing fun... But I....... I am just empty. I know I should put on a mask... As I've always done before. To be happy and cheerful to the core... But now it seems so pointless. I don't feel the need to be false. It wouldn't matter anyway. I am just a fuck up and a freak. Now there's no need to cry. No need to be honest about... What it is I feel deep down inside. Completely crushed; isolated; lost; terrified. A fact is pretty much clear.. i can;'t not fuck everything up. Can't seem to displace all that plagues me. I can't ever seem to get rid of this inner pain. If i care all I get is emotional pain. If I don't care... i just feel empty. Strange tho.. as i look around. No one seems to notice my depression. I guess it's pretty easy to not notice that... I hide it so very well.. I hide it behind sarcasm and a flase smile. Still they laugh and joke... As I disappear for a while. Now I see it's time to don the mask... To forget how i feel.... To be flase instead of real...its how i feel right now Written April 6th, 2002 © on Apr 06 2002 02:35 PM PST, Jessica Taylor   18 • 0 • 1