My Hell... My Insanity.... What's the Difference? (18+)

I went to school today... It seems as pointless as the day I started. Kids screaming in the halls, Haveing fun with people they don't really know.... I walked down the halls, Thinking that this must be some cruel fucking joke. To be here when I don't really need to be. It's strange I guess that I hate this all, That I view this as one of my hell's. When you're there you are supposed to think learning... But usually that's not even close to what's on my mind. Usually everyone thinks that I'm pretty happy. That I like going to this torcher chamber; this hell. Mostly I'm fairly depressed, uncareing, and pissed off. I'm pissed off at the world! Every single person in it; everything in it! I just don't see the point to be born, Try to live the way you want; but instead be suppressed into a clone. And then to die with out a single person to ever remeber your name. A few people who actually get to know me, They think I'm out of my fucking mind. They think that I am somewhat disturbed; just a little fucking crazy.. Maybe I am hell I dunno. It's like I wake up wondering..... WHAT POINTLESS BULLSHIT MUST I DO TODAY??! Instead of like ever other normal person.... IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!! And the voices in my head never seem to cease. The only control I have over them is My music. It drowns them out to leave me with a little time to think. For 8 hours a day Monday thru Friday, they scream. They scream about pain and hate. About how they wish I would slit my wrists and end it all. About what a fucking case I am; or will be. Am I really litterally fucking insane? How many hells do I have to have any damn way? I have my parents, hell number 1. If they'd ever stop bitching long enough to listen maybe I'd listen to them. I have school, hell number 2. The teachers all say that I'm basically a genius, Yea ok i'm a fucking genius who just don't care anymore! I have my cutting, hell number 3, my own personal hell! I have hell number 3 to help deal with hell 1 and 2. I wonder if logically that makes any sense... To have a hell to deal with other hell's. And the 4th and finally hell is my mind. Inside my head its like nothing on the outside matters. It's like I am locked inside my head... I can see and hear everything that's said but I'm silent. Like someone else answers for me.... That I am not me, I'm something entirely different. I'm on the inside looking out, trying to get out. Trying to be what I should be.... Normal. Written March 12th, 2002 © on Mar 12 2002 07:41 AM PST, Jessica Taylor   18 • 0 • 10