Suicidal Tendoncies (18+)

Suicidal tendoncies? Yes I have them all the time. Things like that usually just ease my mind. It's easier to do than to threaten to. My father used to scream, "If you want to die, Then fucking kill yourself!" He'd hand me the knife, Once or twice I'd cut, I'd slash my arms... Just to make him see, That you can't fucking push me! That I was dead serious.... I just want to be free. I don't want to be jugded, By this fucking society. I'm not abnormal or a fucking lunatic! I'm just not mentally fucking stable! I don't give a fuck what you think of me! You can all go to hell with your, "Oh my God's" and "Please don't's." Your distain of me does not matter, Because it's not as if you truely give a fuck anyway. You just want to be able to say, "I tried to stop her! " That you tried to help me. But did you ever really try to help? Or did you just look me as one more fucking reject, That grew up in this corput facist society. That I was just another one of millions, That couldn't cope or face reality? I cut, I slash, I bleed. Just to feel that pressure bleed away. Just to fulfill that need. The need to recongnize the reality, That I will one day face. That I will perhaps conform inorder to appear normal. To hide what I truely am deep inside, To keep my pain from your prying eyes. Hopeing one day that this need to slash and bleed, Will subside leaving me a whole individual. Instead of being invisible, To all the people who were supposed to care. To the people that had me, my parents. Who at the moment believe I'm a lost cause. That I will never be anything, That I could never possibly succeed at anything. Parental love......... What a fucking joke! They love one, the normal one; my perfect brother! Yet the one who needs help and is crying for it, They ignore and try to believe doesn't exist; the daughter! What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't believe i'm doing this! Why again and again must I cut, Is it just to see my blood flow? To cause myself the blissful pain? To show that I am a real person? That this isn't just a sick twisted fucking nightmare? I see the blood it's all over the floor..... Gushing from my veins...... Is it a true travisty, a true pity? I simply don't give a fuck any more!!!!!!!!!!!! Written February 23rd, 2002 © on Feb 23 2002 11:42 AM PST, Jessica Taylor   18 • 0 • 10