Am I Dead Yet?

If you don't want to hear me, just don't listen, but The only way to change me is to blow my brains out Because I gonna believe what I believe and I'm gonna shout All these things that you hate to hear All the things that make you scared How many of you feel me, I mean really? My thoughts can't be understood unless they're felt Look into my eyes, step in my shoes You can be crazy too My shoes might be tight, but it's the only pair I got My life may not fit but I'll still cast my lot I lost my mind on purpose while looking for the truth I found myself tucked away at the tree of knowledge's roots. I scream bloody murder because I'm dying every second I cry these tears as I reload my weapon I'm not like you, I'll never be like you I'll die for what I believe in again and again But if I killed for it, it wouldn't be true I see the changes that I've went through I lost my reflection in the hopes of reaching you I've lost my tan, and my eyes remain blood shot So when I cry my tears streak red from my eyes to my mouth. My teeth cut my lips because I can't control my hunger anymore I'm praying for patience and not very much more I'm hoping that this rage in me subsides Before my passions are released from where they hide My lips are the shores of an ocean seldom navigated My mind ebbs and flows with the rising moonlight of thought and setting realizations of the sun I can't keep my emotions at bay against these tides So when you decide you're tired of hearing what I have to say Take my gun, cock back the hammer, and blow me away Aim for the head, or for the heart, so my soul can take flight Because I'm gonna accomplish in death what I couldn't in life If you realize nothing else, please realize this, We all die, but we don't have to kill, I hate that ignorance is bliss Your weapons spill the blood of others because you don't think My weapon spills my soul, because my ammunition is ink What I write is what I see What I see is my loved ones waiting to kill me Diagnosed as a manic depressant with extreme paranoia, learning disabled without aiding tools And they say I didn't learn anything in school... I learnt how to observe, how to listen, and not just hear How to pay attention to what was hidden and not made clear The things you didn't say but meant behind your words All the thoughts that cause you to stutter, and pause and slur You better lock me up and throw away the key, Because I haven't even started yet, and your family already wants to bury me You know what they know about me? I'm a bastard, and I'm in love with a whore I'm not good for anything but to scorn and abhor I'm a plague that clouds the judgement, and affects the mind So be careful because I'll infect you and you'll no longer be blind The only thing I stab is my paper, the only metal I pack is a ball point pen But I'm stronger than your biological weapons and your military men One day you'll realize that the martyr is more powerful than the master The pen mightier than the sword, and the prophet is no match for the carpenter. Copyright ©2001 AllisterMy conflict between Christianity and Islam, Jesus and Mohammed... For the hope that someday someone will understand... Written April 6th, 2001 © on Sep 21 2001 12:23 AM PST   10 • 0 • 9