She

She stares with those big brown eyes, But all she sees are those thoughts in the back of her head Thoughts of she, and him, and them and how? How, yes, how things used to be. She is to young to see, to young to understand After all, it was only last monsoon When she was scared half to death by the blood It came warm and without warning, Well except for the uncomfortable, unfamiliar ache in her stomach It came only a year ago, But she had known him so much longer Where is he now? She stares at the sky, Seeing clearly the two of them together In open fields of wild flowers Just children playing, She was still so much a child Still so much undone, With him, without him Where is he now? She knew the night that they met in the cemetery, That could not be wrong, The way he held her, and the way she felt, That could not be wrong, The way he kissed her, and whispered his verses to her That could not be wrong, Laying on the cold cobblestones, Staring up at the sky, The roughness of his tongue exploring her Seeing stars smile at her, and pixies fly by Feeling him inside her, as they became one They were always meant to be... THAT COULD NOT BE WRONG... She felt it, as it grew And knew something was different about her She just didn't know what, How could she know, This village was all she had ever known Bamboo shoots, and rice fields Monsoon, and mangrove, swamps, and floods But how she loved the rain, Now she would empty her stomach in the morning rains But she knew that it was not bad She knew that it was a part of her It was a part of him. She knew the plan well They were to meet in the open field As always he would read the new poems he had scribbled She would listen, and stare at the sky Tonight she followed the plan as always, But the person standing in the field was bigger than her love He was as big as her daddy, And he had her daddy's walk, but he was sobbing Her daddy did not cry, Not with his rough hands, and scarred face, Dirty fingernails, and sun baked complexion. Why was her daddy staring at the ground crying, Daddy picked her up and carried her home His big hands holding her safe They were sticky, and black with something thick Thick and salty, they smelled like cemetery cobblestones The next day men came and took her daddy away She ran back to the field There was the same smell, But the source had been washed away by the mornings showers He had left his verses strewn in the field Flying about like his beautiful thoughts She clutched them close, and walked for hours Momma made soup that night A sour rancid soup, Without the spices, and seasonings she liked, With something potent, and pungent Something piercing stabbing her in the pit of her stomach The pain kept her awake all night, and momma stayed by her side In the morning momma undressed her, and laid her on the bed naked And prayed, prayed a pray of patience, and waiting Finally the pain was unbearable, and she began to scream. Momma clutched her close She felt it leave her body She did not feel the physical occurance as much She felt the loss The weight of life, caring and love being lifted Being bound in rags, and carried away To be strewn into the muddy depths of the river The bleeding stopped that same day, But the pain it never went away... She went to his house, and was driven away His parents screaming obscenities at her about A murderous father that she no longer saw About how she had corrupted their son With the stigma betwixt her thighs She looked for him in the fields, In the swamp, In the rice paddies, Between the bamboo shoots. She looked for him in the cemetery where he had held her so close So close that they had become one. There were new flowers, To perfume the air And a new addition to the garden of souls She found him there, But lost him with hope, and love Embracing a cold stone with his name alone No date, no rest in peace, No icon of an angel to watch over him Just the name of her love She found him but did not stop searching She went to the river, and wet her toes She began her search for him looking up at the skies She wet her ankles still looking for him Her knees submerged, followed by her thighs, and waist Her stomach, her bosom, ,and her neck. She stares up at the sky, Looking for her love, through that muddy water.Cherish it when you find it... Written October 23rd, 2001 © on Oct 23 2001 01:39 PM PST   0 • 1