I Wish

Everything is going wrong as of late. Life is making me really frown. I can't seem to think things through, and my life seems to be turning upside down. I know you are not supposed to think and dwell on material things. But, Lord, why can't you just help me, just once see what the lottery brings? If I could be more financially secure, I could devote more time to the poor. I could give of myself and my money, and make us all feel better, by far. I am sorry to ask such a nonsensical question. I told you I wasn't myself just now. I have been worrying and wondering. What can I do for my grandchildren; and how? It is coming to the great time of the year. To celebrate Your dying and rebirth. I have been treated so badly by some, I don't think I have any worth. I know it cannot compare to what you gave. Dear God, I am so confused. What am I to do in this instance? When I feel so utterly abused? There are a few who like to see me suffer. I have to "watch" what I say. I don't want to "rock the boat", but, I am constantly his "prey". I feel he is just waiting, until I grow old one day. Then, he is going to "get me", When I somehow get in his way. Oh, how I wish things could be different. My life would not seem like a game. If I had it all to live over again, I wouldn't have done things the same. They always say knowledge is hindsight. Well, that seems to be, oh so true. I have learned a great deal in 50 years, but how to use it; I haven't a clue. I wish I knew how to distinguish, The difference between knowledge and wisdom. To have the wonderful serenity You offer, when I meet You in Your great Kingdom. That is when I will know the truth. When all is said and done. When life on this earth is over, and I am in Heaven with You, as one. Written October 28th, 2001 © on Oct 27 2001 06:25 PM PST   18 • 0 • 13