Still Holding On

Tormented I’m endlessly searching this shattered heart for reasons why I’m still holding on. Holding onto something that has lost its glow years ago. Why am I craving the taste of impurity, that once dripped from your flavored lips, like the salty tears that glisten in my enervated eyes? The purpose of your torment seems not to exist. The perpetual sobs that choke every breath, every gasp, from these throbbing lungs make it harder for me to live... without you. My world seems pointless. The morning sky has been splashed with black nothingness. The vibrant colors that once danced before our eyes, have bled into each other, until they too are black. And there is no paintbrush to paint it back to its embellish self. Calling out your name, and finding these arms of mine, grasping nothing but still air, is like taking a kick to my stomach. My soul is bleeding, drop by drop, from where its mate was selfishly torn from its side. Oh, how it begs to be set free. From this misery... of being alone. I can feel the lonesomeness, rattling inside my mind. Like a savaged beast, bending yet not breaking, the bars that hold it in contempt. The memories we’ve shared have cut through me, like a rusty blade upon a convalescent wound. Leaving a trail of scars, unwilling to heal, unwilling to let me be oblivious, to the promises you could not keep! Staring into this freshly cracked mirror, forces me to close my blood shot eyes. I can not bare to see that pale girl, staring with haunted eyes, begging me to save her. To save her from this unbearable sadness, that has been dwelling inside of her... ever since you left. But closing my eyes doesn’t force her away! My eyelids have become a movie screen, where the only film showing, is what I have become. A zombie, with no sense of forgiveness, no intention to go on. Until I can’t handle it any longer. Until the nauseous feeling, that’s been swimming around in my stomach, decides to climb its way towards my throat. It dives into the swirling toilet water below, but not before it tastes the wispy strands of hair. Hair I hadn’t pulled back. All this because I miss you! Because I let myself fall in love, In love with someone who never cared.. never wanted too. But tomorrow will be different. Because this time... This time I’ll pull the strands back.I'm trying to get a lot of my better poems together, so that i can send them to a publisher. But i think that i might have to do it myself or something. Your comments would be very appreciated. Thanks Written March 5th, 2002 © on Mar 05 2002 01:17 PM PST   0 • 10