A Little Girl

there was this little girl, she was so small she wasn't hated by anyone, she was loved by all she tried to be nice and make everyone happy but no matter what she did, her life was always crappy she was always scared of dying, of her parents dying too she couldn't seem to relax, she didn't know what to do she was so small, her world should have been worryless but instead she had a young life full of stress she had a drunk for a dad, he always made her cry a mom who couldn't defend her, but she didn't know why she had a brother and sister who went through kinda the same but she didn't want them in trouble, so she'd take the blame she always tried to be good, so dad wouldn't get mad but no matter what she did, in his eyes she was always bad the hits she took weren't always that severe it was the rage that came from daddy's drinking beer all she wanted was to get some love returned but it seems every time she tried, she only got burned she was always different, so she was left on her own she would have died to be loved, but she was always alone as time went by, her life seemed to get better she made some friends, they were glad to have met her her dad quit drinking, but his temper stayed there he tried to be better, tried more to care she still felt left out, even though she fit in she was always still sad so she could never win her life was always a mess, something was always still wrong but she tried to be happy, and tried to stay strong as she thought about the past, she found a disturbing memory she knew this was wrong, and this should never be she remembered her cousin messing with her when she was little knowing she was small, weak and brittle he was not forceful physically, only with things he said remembering this shit, made her want to be dead he started it first, when she was six or seven then started again when she was about eleven not knowing what he had her doing wasn't right she would do things for him without putting up a fight he knew what was being done, when she had no clue she didn't know it was wrong, she just did what he told her to she messed up with guys a lot after he got her started she did stuff with guys, and was left broken hearted her parents found out that she had sex before and they sat her down and questioned her more she told them how her cousin messed around with her too she told them she just did what he asked her to do they were very mad about what he had done so they told his parents and ruined his fun he denied it at first to try to make her look bad and took for granted all the feelings she had so after this passed things kinda went well for awhile she had everything out, she wasn't living in denial she still hurt and couldn't move on with her life she couldn't cope with her feelings so she cut herself with a knife she started this when she was about twelve years old it helped her out when she felt alone and cold no one knew about it for quite awhile she would walk around, put on a fake smile she'd wear long sleeves to hide the scars and cuts she wanted to tell someone but she didn't have the guts eventually her excuses for the cuts didn't work anymore so she told her parents and what she did it for they tried to be there for her, but sometimes they just got mad they couldn't understand why she was always just sad they didn't understand that no one made her that way that she had realized it was her fault from the very first day she lost a lot of friends when they found out what she did some long term friendships from when she was a kid they didn't understand why she would hurt herself and how it felt good she didn't mind, cuz she didn't expect that they would she had a big heart and loved everyone the same she didn't take anyone's feelings for a game she knew how it felt for people to feel alone and sad so she gave them all the good advice that she had she tried to help her friends whenever she could she did the things that most others should she loved everyone quickly, and when they left she was sad so she was back to square one, her life was again bad junior high came around, she didn't think she'd fit in she never wanted seventh grade to begin when she first went there, she was still all alone she was once again, out there on her own she met some friends and they stayed for awhile and when they were there, they helped make her smile junior high passed, she had more and more friends now she was so astonished, she couldn't imagine how in ninth grade is when most of her trouble came she messed up things constantly, she was living in shame when ninth grade passed, she had nothing left to hide she wouldn't have to worry about the times she lied she made many new friends in tenth grade, she still has them today if it weren't for everyone, she would have taken her life away her friends helped her most throughout all the trouble she had they made her happy, so she was not always sad they made her life as good as it could be well i told you a story about a little girl, and that little girl was me Written February 18th, 2002 © on Feb 18 2002 01:25 PM PST   0 • 1