Accursed Vampire

For three years now I have stood here Either it be beside you Or standing silently behind The love, which has rooted itself Far too deep for me to pull out Has now become my living Pain, at the very sight of you My courage has fled me Or else I would have turned long ago Seeking my own desires Oblivious to you, as I once was before we met Yet, now, the tides have changed, and I would want nothing more than to leave you Putting the realizations of my own failures And acceptance of never being with you again, far behind me I wonder now, why had I stayed And, truly, why was it you did You didn’t get that which you had sought for two years And still not to this day So, I’m left to question why And, why is it so hard to turn from you To move on with what is no longer there Yet, only this strong friendship And why am I not pleased with just friendship? Truly, it suits it’s purpose to be close enough to you, quiet well Yet, the calls and other men rear their heads viciously Leaving me, in my place, standing silently Why, have I put up with this for two years? I have no reason to hold you close to me Yet, you’re one of the few I’d run to in times of need Yet, it is here I find my pain In loving you, and wanting you more than ‘just a friend’ And yet, finding you to be the greatest friend I know Not able to touch you, yet wanting Nothing more than to hold you close against me, never letting go It is here, I have come For three years, I have come Seeking pain through you Wanting nothing more than the pain, which you give Now, what is it, I am to do Stand here silently as before, or Slowly back away, and fade into the dark shadows Deep within your mind Oh, my love, how I curse you Had I known this would be the outcome three years ago I perhaps, would have thought differently Yet, no, you mean more to me than you will ever know So, I curse you, vampire In which, your pain gives me life The drive to keep going Yet, failing in my existence to be with you Perhaps, I’ll do as I do best And stand in these dark shadows, eyeing you from afar, Brooding over every kiss you give to another, cursing my very existence, Always questioning why I can’t find the courage to leave, yet was I ever there?*sigh*well, perhaps I should put *yells/screams/has lost voice*, as it would describe what I did more adequately on my drive back home. Now, I must say, I do rather like how my voice is kinda scratchy atm...but ah *sigh* This is more of a release than a true poem I guess....but I could go on and on, but it would perhaps bore you, and my mind has gotten some what tired...And had you ever heard me say, guys are dicks and girls are evil...it's the truest statment in the world. Yeah, there are nice guys but they have that 'dicklyness' in them. And girls...*sigh* I guess this kinda turned out not to be comments...well, they are comments but not of the sort meant to be here..so I'll hush up and goto sleep...anyone want to hold me :( asd;lkjfajsdfjlkadslfk; *sigh* be well and safe all. Written December 29th, 2001 © on Dec 28 2001 09:50 PM PST   0 • 1