A Blackness Stronger Than Hate

As I look out of my window The small one, that’s clouded by blackness A blackness stronger than hate My thoughts drift off thinking of days before this This torturous life I live now I used to be so full of happiness Bliss and life I was content and proud of myself for my accomplishments But no, not now Not after you destroyed those emotions The emotions I lived for I loved you I thought you cared How could you be so cold? Will you ever return to finish off the remains of this life? This life I now live That’s empty and alone Here sitting in the prison you built just for me I can’t help but feel every ounce of pain The agony you’ve stowed upon me  Shackled to the wall You laugh at me I cry out in vain I need you to feed me the love you once did I love you I hate you What’s left to feel? I’ve felt bliss Now I feel hatred and discontent Is there anything worse than this? I’m going to give up hope I keep feeling you returning to me Picking out my crumbs from the ashes But what must I do if you do not return? For I know you won’t You told me to give in You aren’t going to hurt me Look what happened in the end I said it from the beginning But then I started to believe in us I gave in wholeheartedly I had to I needed to feel you in me I fell into you As you dug into my heart Digging and digging deep Tearing out tissues I needed to live Then you left your emblem Branded to the inside of me Forever embedded for me to remember Leave me alone Get out of me soul Let me live my life Just like it used to be I’m not going to wait much longer The pain is so unbearable All this negative emotion Is driving me towards the end My life is closing It’s clean up time Come and clean up the remains of this life Or I’m going to destroy it all myself I can’t go on without you This is your final chance If you think about it long enough You’ll realize what you had in me Eternal devotion Commitment Love But no you threw that away when you locked me in this cell This jail in which I live, came without the simplicities of happiness To smile would take too much effort for me I’m too weak by what you’ve done to me It’s sad to say that my life could be reborn And you could bathe me in the clear water of purity And that would all take place during one small thing A kiss A simple, ordinary kiss from you I cannot wait any longer This pain is too much to live with Even this window knows how I feel Being clouded by a blackness that is stronger than hate Such an evil glow around it This pain must end Now and forever I’m still open for your one last chance But I’ve faced reality The blackness inside me is much stronger than hate What you’ve done to me is permanent And you aren’t going to come to my aid All I can say to that Is farewell I’m leaving your jail Without your consent I’m leaving my being But lifeless and cold My fragile soul will fly With just one wing For the other is torn You tore it in half But I will still fly I’ll reach out of this misery With just one wing I hope you live happily ever after When I’m gone It’s not like you will mourn over me I was never real to you Someday I hope you feel what I’ve felt This blackness inside That is stronger than hate That’s when you’ll finally realize how bad you hurt me A person can only take so much And I have been pushed over the limit I can’t even look back and see it anymore I’m too far into it With this I leave you Good riddens, is what your probably thinking But your aren’t alone I’m thinking it too Written January 5th, 2002 © on Jan 05 2002 10:31 AM PST    18 • 0 • 1