Endeavored Suicide

I’d suffer for your love The bitter taste of regret on my lips Just for one more touch of your fingertips Just to hear your sweet voice Whisper to me again I hate myself for what I’ve done to you They say that the truth shall set you free But it can’t lead me to your arms The glass that’s jabbed into my heart Reflects the sorrow that I put on you forever The world went black when your footsteps went faint Endeavored suicide I think the worst is over But it has barely begun Crying Dying Sighing Lying Crumbling Under the pressure Of it all I took this love for granted And tossed it around How wrong was I to do so? I never knew what I really had Until it was too late When it was unpatchable I realized everything Everything is gone now I’m one step too late Nothing is coming back It looks like I have to reconstruct these walls But every time I start to build One thought of you makes it all crumble down And so I give up I’m small and frail in this bitter, cold world I look around And crawl out into the darkness Following your blurred footprints Seeking protection And possibly forgiveness Expecting no gratitude from you, I call out in vain You hear me, surprisingly You look down upon me as if I were a child And you slowly turn your head in shame And walk away I beg you to spare me this once As you leave me with my dismay While I follow like a puppy waiting for her bone You say, “Follow if you must You’ll get your bone, but not from me” Your ear-piercing words cut at my heart Having you say things like that tear me apart Look at what I did I destroyed my life And as I can taste in your voice I killed you too But as you said You’re going home And I’m still lost in this blizzard Never to be found You’re over the hill And I’m at the foot of the mountain I’ll never make it alone But you surely will You knew it all along What I’d do wrong You prepared for the worst During the best But I prepared for the best During the worst You thought I’d hurt you Looks like you were right I no longer can say you won’t leave And you are never going to find out Because you walked away from me After I killed you But I truly didn’t kill you I just sent you home Then I committed suicide Not even wanting to leavea poem my boyfriend and i wrote together in an im Written December 30th, 2001 © on Dec 30 2001 11:28 AM PST    18 • 0 • 1