addressed to outer space

dearest lilith... sorry to disturb i didn't mean... well i didn't mean anything nothing i ever said to you ever made sense keep on thinking that there is a delicate balance that must be sustained just to entertain myself just to entertain the possibilities of... well nevermind i could never get it out before my voice chokes when you look at me that way don't say a word or my raving may collapse need to clear the air no time to prop these words up but i guess all this indifference all this hostility is as patient as you can be with someone like me trying to show me that the structure we tried to build was faulty from the very beginning and it didn't take long to topple and there's no point in gathering the crude blocks from the rubble just move on move on and get over it please for me for you sorry it's taken so long i know the whole situation seemed wrong but for some reason i couldn't part with the sweetest litany that made me feel so small like i was at least one of two and at most one small portion of infinity oh for that self degrading humility once more found by looking in that clay face i made in the likeness of you i know it's crude quite crude it's not so much about you anymore but a spectral immitation i create to chide to scold when i deviate from the thin line i've set myself upon you must be quite insulted quite flustered you may or may not want to point fingers but i'm the one to blame the cute trinkets we made and the small exchanges we shared never meant to last beads tarnish slip off of forever bracelets and in time the thread frays luster lost in your eyes and mine as the cheeks cave in and the limbs grow lanky hairstyles find new innovations all that pudgy excess ignorance that could never fit into the doorway of our brave new world rushing forward to greet us at seventy-five miles an hour has been shed for the sake of efficiency don't want to dampen your waning spirits don't let my cynisism taint and strangle the hopes you have left but we're gonna' crash and i don't want to see your hurt so please... i know i can't save you... i can't even tell you where to run all arrows point to degrees and minutes all directions wrap around this big blue sphere head for the tropic of cancer put some flowers behind your ear for me head for the moon leave some footprints i'll look for them in my telescope back here head for pluto as a last resort write but don't send a report what it's like there promise... trust me you won't want to know how things are progressing since exile from the garden i won't even bother to come find you later even if i succeed... promise me too... sincerely adam Written April 11th, 2002 © on Apr 11 2002 02:44 PM PST   18 • 0 • 13