pebble

it makes me wonder why do i even get up and try to face this fruitless morning every day just to be knocked down by the hostile stares of every god-damned lonely child who still bothers to ask why can't adults just be at peace and i can only shake my head and walk away because i'm too sick to justify every single lie you used to hide your genocide i will never escape those eyes and i will never float in this sea of tears because (for you) i traded my heart for a fucking stone stuck in this corner where i hide lost the key to the outside and now i just wait for the rising tide to take every bit of strength and leave me to the natural processes i tried so hard to denyput my hand down through my throat and vomit up all that i could not consume put my hand down into my throat tear my larynx out bit by bit because to you it seems that my voice is no good and just for you i stick my fist down in my throat to pull out all the air that i could not breathe to defend your conscious by your gaze and by your command i lodge my fingers in my chest and tear out this faulty heart that just will not rest there's not much more left to give and then you ask me to rip off my dick for all the pain it caused you and your kin all you want is my mind with no place to run and hide another corpse in your army of dead willing and able and never at peace capitalism's flushing this world down the toilet but in the mean time it's a dog eat dog cremate the bones shit on the ashes and sell the mixture as fertilizer kind of world please don't hate me for not enabling your disease don't blacklist me in the tribal memory of your loop just trying to save my scrawny ass from a vengeful god of antiquity so just go away before i collapse my nerves are already frayed and you know that everything i've tried to be was a fraud you don't need a confession from me my purkinje fibers are just about torn and all i need now is to sell my heart off before it swells with tears and i explode trade it in for a wishing stone to anchor me in these times of need and drown me quickly when the flood comes Written April 11th, 2002 © on Apr 11 2002 02:46 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1