Mama, I Tried

Mama, I tried… To keep the promise I made to you, So long ago… At Grandma’s bedside. That you’d never go to a place Filled with strangers, Where the old are warehoused, Exposed to so many dangers. I made the vow to you, In heart and head, To care for you always, But now instead… Last night, we sat by you, Dad and I cried… For the promise now Is being denied… We didn’t know, Our health would fail… Even then There were problems We couldn’t detect, With hearts and blood sugar, Causing us to neglect… The 24/7 care that you need, To keep your poor body In the land of the living. More than two years, We’ve tried, Now nothings left For the giving… Just love in two hearts, But that’s not enough… You need more than that. Tomorrow we’ll call The home health nurse to see, How it’s no longer possible, For us to be The ones who do The small Little things… Like brushing your hair, Listening for angel wings, Every hour of all the days And the nights… Mama we didn’t give up Without a fight… But it’s over now. My promise I’m breaking, I thought I could always Stand up to the aching… Of my heart in watching You, as you slowly died… Mama forgive me, I tried……………please forgive me for pouring out my grief so publicly, but the words just came with the tears as i was packing away my mom's things to give away... looking over at her now and then, feeling like a failure because i am no longer able to keep the promise i made to her...though, she hasn't known me in two years...i still look at her, and my heart says...mama... Written March 24th, 2002 © on Mar 24 2002 11:57 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1