Les Walt Miserables

The players: The forces of good: Wayoutwalt the hero 010101110 binary code the essence of it all The Internet Serenity Cupid Sprites and fairies The forces of evil: The computer Act I the Arrival (en media res) (The scene begins with little Walt Vowing to never again take halt) Walt: I am I am truly now alive I have a computer just one no not five I am the king the king of the empire! And I will I will sate my one desire There is only one thing that I do not own I want a woman a pretty girl to call my own! (Walt our hero sits in front of his new toy Unaware that it has a mind to crush this little boy) (Enter the evil computer) Hiss! Computer: He thinks that he will rule his empire But he does not know that I have loose wire I will show him bounty he could never ever spend!! And then I will I will destroy him in the end!! Hiss! Walt: I am dreaming of a lady that I will ever love My intentions are pure from the angels up above I have my poetry to accompany my mythic lyre And I will forever say these words I AM A POET Without fear! Hiss! Computer: He thinks that he will woo them with his savior faire In a month he’ll resort to pornography for the women there And I will be his god and I will rule his world  And I will remove his need to eat I will give him smelly feet And he will never change his underwear Cuz the women I provide him will not care!! Hiss! Walt: I have my 500 hours it’s all I’ll ever need I will find a decent lady and ride her off on my steed Computer: You my son will gain unlimited access And you will be mine forever no not less!! Walt: First though I need a name unlike no other I must be sure to keep the name given by my mother! (The muse Serenity dances in) Serenity: (unheard by Walt) you my son are in need of a name Nothing like your initials no that would just be lame I think I have it oh hear it is It roles of the tongue just like in show biz! (Serenity dips down and whispers in Walt’s ear)   Walt: oh I have got it eureka I exclaim I have thought of the best ever penname! Chorus of invisible fairies and sprites (drink sprite it’s ite): This is the beginning though we are at the middle We might be thinking that Walt is just more human piddle But he has a new name a new name is what he has So he can win the hearts of girls who might else think him a spaz! Wayoutwalt: I am wayoutwalt is who I am I have email although I just get spam There is a haven of places to go and chat I will soon be the coolest of the cat But for now oh I can smell my socks And suddenly I have Ninety-nine girls in my buddy box! (yeah!) Act II Engaging Wayoutwalt: I take these ladies and spin em on my finger They wish that the time with me would ever linger But there is only so much room for IM’s on the screen BRB I say to the waiting ladies so as not to be mean Hiss! Computer: It is beginning I am gaining control Another foolish human I own its very soul He thought that he could have a girl of his very own But look at him sitting there it’s late and he’s alone (yeah!) (Enter a bit of binary code on the screen) 110010010 (Translation: EKD71) EKD71: My name is EKD71 and this is all new to me Walt: (thinking aloud) I do not think that you're lame just cuz you used your initials: EKD! What o dear does the 71 mean to you? EKD71: It was the year that I was born, toodaloo (Exit EKD71) EKD: I don’t think that he is thinking about me I just thought it would be cool to name myself EKD! Wayoutwalt: it’s okay she named herself EKD I just wonder will she ever fall in love with me EKD: I think that wayoutwalt is a stupid name He must think that he’s something other than just lame (Enter Cupid the god of Valentines Day) Cupid: EKD you will ask wayoutwalt on a date You can’t escape Destiny he is your one true fate EKD: (can hear Cupid cuz she is a woman and therefore in tuned to the cosmically weird) But Cupid I can’t ask him on a date He is binary code at any rate Cupid: He is mere piddle on the cosmic plate But oh dear EKD he’s human at any rate (clacking sounds) Wayoutwalt: I must I must sign on and find her EKD: I must I must sign on and find him (Burly male voice saying: You Have Mail) Wayoutwalt: I have email but no I am not dumb EKD is in my box so I don’t care whom it’s from! EKD71: Where do you live? Wayoutwalt: Where do I live? EKD71: Where do you live? Wayoutwalt: Where do I live? Wayoutwalt: I dear EKD have seen your buddy profile It pleases me to tell you from where you are a couple miles! EKD: How would you like to go and see the state fair (CRASH) (Evil laughing) Hiss! Computer: I’m sorry EKD but he seems to just not care! Wayoutwalt: oh dear oh dear my computer’s on the blink Darnit wayoutwalt man this means you have to think! (Sprites and fairies dance around the computer) (A revving sound) (clacking) (You Have Mail) Wayoutwalt: there she is EKD71 Yes I'd love to go I think it would be fun! (Serenity, Cupid, sprites and fairies, Wayoutwalt, my wife then named Elisa K Dennis born in 1971, holding hands and swaying) Chorus: that was the end of the computer and its evil ways It sits in a pawnshop unplugged to this day In return for the vile machine a ring of fine karat And to the happy ending she said Yes I will wear it! (yeah!) (Bows and curtsies) (Curtain drops) (Fade Happy Ending theme) © on Jul 02 2001 04:11 PM PST   0 • 14