Explanation

I posted a poem upon a web site Thinking nothing of what that would mean How people would see it and what they would think of me What they would say, and how it would effect me. My poem I posted was an extension of me Of who I am, of who I was when I wrote it, But now I look at your comments I see I couldn’t hide from strangers, what I have hidden from myself I wasn’t true to myself, to My emotions that had burrowed deep within me Its hard for me to talk about Even now, all these years later. I still think about him. You asked me to explain what this relationship was, How it was special to me, why it was a factor within a troubled life. Well here I go, Please forgive me if I babble a little, Or stray off the subject, because as I write this I’m excavating Emotions – even I didn’t know, sorry didn’t want to know I had. A love which time can never erase – It sounded like a fantasy One created within, projected without. With all my strength, all my courage I’m unearthing a lost childhood I never had. So many people are hurt each day, So many women are hurt each day. My pain was unlike any other Because it was mine Shame, fear, anger, despair, hatred, loathing A girl looking for death, one who welcomed it more than once Blood stained tears, bloodstained fears, and a blood stained knife A broken doll left alone. Someone took away my life on a night Which still haunts me. They took my innocence With a violent thrust My hopes, my dreams my world as I knew it was dismantled Then he came along We found our souls in such a turbulent storm This love I refer to is one of trust. The first man I trusted The first man who fought away my fears, Told me I wasn’t to blame Said I didn’t do this He was older than I was, but he completed me. He taught me not to be afraid He taught me to fly again, Unfurl my wings and soar through this world He showed me things that I never thought could be true. And he healed such a tormented heart. I can remember just lying next to him, listening to him breathing Feeling his heart beat under my hand and comprehend that I would Always be safe, no innuendoes, no games, no sex Just friendship, just the healing of open wounds I know it sounds corny, like a bad movie where the girl finds her dream man After she has struggled for so long. I promise you, this was no movie. I didn’t end up with the man I loved, he walked out And didn’t look back. Now as I look back, over a time in my life Which I thought I would never survive, He did the right thing when he left. At first I wondered if this was purgatory For something I did, something I didn’t do- But now I realise he knew – If he stayed by my side I would never take that step. I would stay safe by him, and never conceive This life I have now, this freedom from my past. Because he knew, to break from the past, meant to break from him. So this is what I mean by A love which time can never erase.This poem was written in response to some of the comments i got from my poem called 'A love which time can never erase' So i hope i got to what you wanted.. i thank you for making me put this down because it showed me a lot of things that i didn't want to see.. The fantasy is always better than the reality Written September 18th, 2001 © on Sep 17 2001 09:11 PM PST, Rebecca   0 • 10