The Failure of a Movement

The Failure of a Movement Christopher Cooper Why do men search so fanatically outside themselves? When the greatest thrill lies within. A thrill heightened to euphoria By holding out till the last possible moment. Yes I am speaking of the incredible feeling you get When you finally get to relieve yourself. Every man can relate to the panicky feeling After being incarcerated in an automobile for three and a half hours And the reassuring release of pent-up anxiety  When you finally realize that the driver is going to pull into the rest stop. Every boy from a large one-bathroom family Knows of this marvelous sensation that follows After doing the mystical potty dance And having to shout, “Hurry up Jane, your hair looks great.” Yes, my fine feminist, there is no other feeling of well being Such as standing in front of a porcelain fixture In a commodiously crowded public restroom With chills running up and down your spine And the hair standing up on the back of your neck Fighting the urge to say, “O God this feels good.” And you, my NOW liberated young lady, Will never get the chance to chuckle at The complete stranger who comes up and stands next to you saying, “I’m about to do the only thing that I am competent in.” Yes the male process of expelling water Is the only male club that the women’s movement hasn’t integrated. And you, male bashing feminist sow, We males are proud that we don’t require The destruction of half the Brazilian Rainforest to dry our urethras. Not only can we dry ourselves off But we also can excite ourselves with two shakes of our lily. So let’s stand erect, my fellow male chauvinist. The women’s movement doesn’t mean squat when you’re standing at a urinal. Written August 18th, 2001 © on Aug 17 2001 04:50 PM PST   0 • 14