Deaf, Blind, Mute

I wonder what I did- Why are you acting like this? I wonder how many more nights I'll cry myself to sleep? I wonder how many cuts I'll make this time? I'm so scared to be alone- I need you to live! I don't understand why you play this game. I'm trembling before you, and I can't seem to make it stop! I thought I said the right things, but they turned out to be wrong. Grief stricken am I, please let me die! I say I love you- and then you throw it in my face. I say how much you mean to me- and then you say that she means more. I poured all my thoughts into you. What did you do but laugh? Damnit, I can't do this for long. Looking at my arm- do you call "that" skin? You say that she's right, did you stop to care? I'm screaming for you hear my pain! But you don't seem to hear it- Deaf I'm crying all the tears I have. But you don't seem to notice- Blind I beg for you to stop the torture. But you don't seem too compliant- Mute And now all I want is to bleed, I can almost taste it now. I almost want you to hurt me, then I'll have my reason. I can't do this any longer, and I find no other resort. You broke my heart- You left my side- You abandoned my life- You laughed at my pained soul- I don't know how else to say it! I don't know of another way! All I know is that my attempts at peace are futile. My lack of life is present. He said you do this to yourself. Yeah, I do! He said that I'm no better, yeah what's your point? A crazy person told me tonight, that *I* need the help. Ha, it's official. I'm going insane. She saved my life for this? She saved me so I could end it all? She saved me so I could suffer? It's all random thoughts, and nothing makes sense. The writings not my own, and I die alone. This did me worse then better! Is that flesh still an arm, or did you cut too much? I wonder  . . . . Why my soul continues to writh in ever lasting pain! Why my non-existant heart still aches? Why I can't seem to make myself cut deep enough? Why taking the whole bottle never seems to work? Look how you leave me- She'd NEVER do this!!! And it all started because you had to comment. You hade to make my life worse! Damn you for that! While we're at it, add me too! Because I shouldn't be pushed this far. Some snap, but I break! Careful for you'll never re-create! Deaf, Blind, and Mute. Someone find me some comfort, because I'm crumbling to pieces. The fury and anguish is setting now. The calm and numbness is taking over. Hopefully the end shall come- because I can't stand to do this again. No one understands what they do to me. I can't believe she saved my life for this! You all team against me, but alas! The half dead girl shall win. For you're ALL deaf, blind, and mute!!!This poem is random thought that I had. Too many things hurt me, and that created this poem. It's all different poepl who make up the he ans she's. Hope you liked it! Deep enough for you? Written November 13th, 2001 © on Nov 13 2001 05:25 AM PST   18 • 0 • 10