triss

triss, my imaginary love, what if all the time ran away, where would i go today, they say it looks pretty ugly outside, if they could only see what it looks like in here, i promise not to stop, or let you go, and always be a big smile on your face, that never goes away, and she says that the only things that matter are the things between you and i, i never knew that colors were so beautiful, my fake energy and poetry, lets start fires that cannot be put out or maybe just calm ourselves in silent requests and wishes, but i cannot say too much, my love, where the fuck are you? and i get lonelier by the second and every word is less time spent finding you but more time complicating myself with bits and fragments of this soul, i talk to trees but they don’t listen, and if they stand so tall and live so long, maybe i should think twice about the pace at which im living my own life, but i cannot be calmed as easily, i search for money, but do not worship false gods, and hopefully i will get an unexpected phone call from someone calling the wrong number and then the sun will never set, but who knows, not me, not anyone, they say its so warm and i couldnt tell because i was too busy biting my fingers and getting drunk smoking a cigarette burning my lungs and uncorking another bottle to send messages out to sea, hopefully to find me, when im old and lonely, and then i will sit and be content and calm and immortal, what do mortals know, they drown in ice cream like fishes, and wishes, my dreams come true everyday, but alarms bring death to sleep and dreams, i do not want to be uncovered or sick and dull and dimming, no sir, no mam, sing me to sleep and hold me til i forget where i am and stop crying and fiddling with idleness, perfectness, man cannot be perfect even if you payed him to try and be perfect, and the night forever holds my nonsense with her, caressing it and loving it so that i might sleep like a child once again in her bosom, in her aching lonely song that blows through my hair making me feel cold because i will not accept her for everything that she is, triss, come rescue me from this oblivion, from this hell, i write to you in hopes that you will stumble across my words from some infinite place from some infinite amount of time away, in some infinite world, would you rescue me and allow me to be fathomless, would you rescue me and be there when i need you most, would you love me even though the future is uncertain, would you love me because it is beautiful, would you laugh with me til four in the morning drunk off our asses and going insane because chickens cannot fly, would we write poems in chalk on the ground so that they could be washed away by the rain, we would die together and live together and create together, make some magic, create some words, new words, hold each other til the sun gives up and surrenders to our happiness, but i cannot truly explain, you know what i meant to say and youve known all along, with my pen, rain, reign, because im nothing in my self, captured by biological metaphors, i am not a creator at all, im simply a shadow, hoping to be destroyed, but thats okay, as long as i can still see or feel, help the ones who need it most, for the reasons i cannot explain, if anything at all, just burn my poem so i know that you hate it, or just do something with it but ignore it, all i ask is that you give it life, or give it death, hold me til your arms fall off, til blue changes into purple, til we know not anything about ourselves or the world, til we become stupid shits decomposing in the sun for some kids to walk over and never know the meaning of the bottom of souls, well then, over dinner, over breakfast, eyes are magical because they don’t say a word and can still be more than me and you, and warmth, the warmth of your skin pressed up against mine, or is it the life that is given to two souls that know they belong together, toast is best with orange juice and light butter, but i don’t know, give me something to write about, just stand there and allow me to paint you with one color, a nice shade of gray, a beautiful brush stroke of everything you are, it is the best i can do, all that matters is that you know what i felt when i painted you, sculpted you, created you, triss, leave me on some infinite day, on some never ending day, alone and afraid and cold, nervous and dying, leave me because without it there would be no comparison for beauty, as long as i can still taste the taste of your soul in the back of my infinite memory, leave me without saying goodbye so that i will never know what you meant to say, or what you meant to do, not knowing if i will ever see you again, yes leave me with nothing, leave me with everything i wish you could leave me with, goodbye, goodnight. -memo Written November 30th, 2001 © on Nov 30 2001 05:52 AM PST, midnite_raver   0 • 10