But I'm Only 14

Sitting in the surgery waiting room, reliving the last few days, Momma collapsing in pain, doctors urgently saying operate now, being held in her arms before they take her in, all runs through my mind. Wearing her coat around my shoulders, going through her purse looking for candy, I didn't see the doctor come in, grave look on her face, didn't hear clearly, what do you mean, did everying you could, This isn't supposed to happen, I"m only 14. I'm at that awkward age, braces still on my teeth, not a great sense of fashion, giggle too loud when a boy speaks to me, this is supposed to be the happy times, learning times, rebel times, family times. Next few days are a haze, relatives flying in, neighbors bringing food, it's all so unreal, refused to walk past the thing, you know, what they put you in, for that "final look until glory" at the cemetary began screaming, as they lowered her into the ground, "Don't you put her there" "Don't you put dirt on her, sister told me later that I had disgraced the family, don't give a damn, This isn't supposed to happen, I'm only 14. How am I going to make it, who will throw my sweet 16 slumber party, show me how to wear lipstick, help pick out my prom dress, ground me for breaking curfew, look proudly on as I graduate, Oh my God, who will give me motherly advice, as I begin to date, wipe that wistful tear from her eye, as I go off to college. My future children, what about them, they won't have a grandmother to bake cookies, sing them songs, let em run around like maniacs, they will never experience how wonderful Momma is, wait, it's now how wonderful she was. I don't understand, this can't be happening, I"M ONLY 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Written March 23rd, 2002 © on Mar 22 2002 04:31 PM PST   0 • 1