If you cared I ... not … suicide

It is midnight Saturday I sit in the only chair in my bedroom I am worn out, weary, desparate, angry… I have given up in life, no point of living I have decided and no turning, no more of life No matter what! It is enough In my hand I hold a polythene bag that I brought in from the grocery store when I went for shopping It is my only weapon. It is small but the work is great of course, no one is here apart from myself Time has come I must to it. It is tonight or never I tie this bag around my neck. It is simple. It is easy No pain, no struggle and my words console me I say to myself,’ this is the way for people like me, for intelligent and wise people like Socrates, It is noble for a noble cause when life is senseless In less than a minute I am suffocating, I am breathing heavily, I sweat, I crawl, I cry but no one can hear me This is a painful experience, dying like a pig but incomparable to the life I have led in the last nineteen years Mama, I know you are crying Baba, I know you are crying You are cursing the day you gave birth to me The shame is on you. I am gone If you only had listened to me! If only you understood me Why cry? Why complain? You left me to myself You abandoned me to the peers, drugs You left me to the world … I was ruined, I was nothing! Nothing! In fact, I died ten years ago.This is the common story that you might hear from those who attempt or actually committ suicide. A son to my family friends committed suicide last sunday. He is yet to be burried. He was only ninenteen. What a waste of his life? As I kept on asking myself what really made him do so, I tried to put myself in this young man's shoes before he died. But what a pity?! If only we can help prevent such painful deaths. I believe there is always a way out. Written December 8th, 2001 © on Dec 08 2001 08:12 AM PST   0 • 1