Deathly Secret

If only everyone knew, The deathly secret which I now hold. There is truth in it somewhere, And a right decision to be made, I just cannot find it. I've searched for 2 nights off and on trying to find a way to survive it, But I still know that in the end, Somebody will not make it through to breathe another breath again... I wish I could just shout it out and let everyone know, So I could finally sleep knowing that somewhere somebody is thinking the same as I, But to do so would leave me feeling worse in the end, Knowing I hurt more people then need so. Forever I've been trying to run from fear and I thought I had escaped it, But now it is right behind me again, And closer than before... Bigger than before. I wish you hadn't told me, And then everything might possibly be okay. I just don't know how you expect me to live each day knowing I could have saved somebody... Knowing somebody out there is not alive because of me. I wish you hadn't told me, But you did, And now, Every night, Every day, Every second that I live I will have to feel the shame and the guilt of knowing I could have done something... And never knowing if it would have worked out better. I shouldn't have to live with this, And nobody should have to die because of this...If there was a god this wouldn't be happening.. not to anybody.. especially not here. I only wish there were a god. Written January 5th, 2002 © on Jan 05 2002 05:11 AM PST   18 • 0 • 1