I Fell In Love With You

Today I cried for the first time in so long. It was sacred just to feel the salty tear glide down my cheek and cascade down to the floor, Where it shattered and ricoched endlessly It seems everything I have loved is falling apart, Everything I love right now is only an image of happiness, But it is no more real than the nightmares that I now live. Everything I knew is no longer whole, And my world is no longer stable, It slowly but surely shatters beneath my feet, And I fall further and further into love.... Into my own self destruction. Now when I look into the mirror all I see is pale gray eyes, And when I look into you, I see nothing. I wish I could help you survive the darkness that encases you, But I cannot. I wish I could protect you from what harms you most, But I do not even know what that is. I suppose the lesson of this poem is that following your heart never really gets you anywhere, Because I fell in love with the girl who sat by me on the swings everyday, Despite her nagging friends, Despite her hostile surroundings. I fell in love with the girl who wove small wreaths out of twigs we found scattered on the ground, Whose beautiful, shinning eyes looked into mine and saw nothing but me as I am, And not what others see. I fell in love with the girl who calmed me when I cried, Talked to me when I needed it, And comforted me even when it wasn't wanted, Because you knew I needed it, Because you were always there for me. I fell in love with the girl who no longer exists except for somewhere packaged deep inside you, Too deep for me to retrieve again and save from destruction, To far for me to travel or else I would, That is what friends are for. I fell in love with the girl who does not love me, And maybe that's what makes me love her so much more. I fell in love with the most beautiful girl, Whose present blinds her past, And shadows her future. I fell in love with my best friend, Who was always there, And who always cared. I fell in love with her, No matter how hard she tries to deny it, And even though it seems she exists no more, I know somewhere, deep inside her she is there, Unwilling and undevoted but still very alive. I fell in love with you... Because that's what my heart told me to do... nothing more to say. Written December 4th, 2001 © on Dec 03 2001 10:27 PM PST   18 • 0 • 1