Death Beckons

Death, wonderful sweet death. How I hear you beckoning to me. I want to come but something holds me back. My friends, pets and cousin hold me back. These are my loved ones, whom I don't want to leave behind, but death beckons to me again. Longing to die, God doesn't answer my prayers and yet I have not the guts to commit suicide, although I wish I did. Why live when no one around you cares when you say you wished you had never been born and that your life is meaningless. People say to fear God. I say 'Whats the worst he'll do to you? Strike you down dead? That's just what I want.' I see skulls and I think of the sweet peacefulness of death. Where nothing can bother you anymore. When I walk into a room in my house I'm invisible, unnoticed and unwanted. Not a word is said to me. No one seems to care that I'm living. But at school, I walk into a classroom and people are trying to get my attention, to talk with them, sit with them. These are my friends. The only ones who seem to care about me. Some nights I sit alone in my room crying, from the pain inside of me. Resentment, loneliness, hatred and other things are eating me alive. Then I hear death beckoning. I listen, longing for death. As if it was a loved one that has been away and yet it is a loved one. One day it may swallow me whole. And that day...I long for. Written September 29th, 2001 © on Sep 28 2001 04:57 PM PST, Jenny   0 • 1