The Door

It is time now. Time to accept the past and move ahead of it. Your calm smile and clear eyes reassure my heart that you are content, that you are at peace. That there is no need for me to worry so. It is difficult.  At night, my mind pushes me from guilt-ridden dreams back into the safe black stillness of my room   where I lie waiting for silence to take over my fears and lighten my heavy heart before it crushes my maternal wall. I knew you the way a mother knows her child. I looked into your soul with tunnel vision stemming from selfish want and wishful thinking. I did not recognize the person inside of you screaming behind closed lips, “I am not what you think! Please look again and see me…” “see ME!” I will never escape the vision. I will never forget the horror. I will always be haunted with the bitter bite of reality which struck me that day I opened your bedroom door and found your body lying limp on the bed surrounded by the evidence of your decision to sleep forever. As I helplessly watched your drug induced stupor lay claim to your young soul All sense of who I was disappeared, leaving me to grovel in the despair of lost maternity. Then, suddenly, your head turned towards my cries And you searched for me through your fog. At that moment my vision cleared I saw you And I knew you needed to see me. My eyes grabbed yours and held them steadfast until your clouds cleared, And you saw that I was there. I was there to support you I was there to hold you, I was there……. To guide you back from the edge of non-existence. It is time now. Time to allow wounds to heal   And to heed the advice tragedy spoke of. I will be there to support you  My eyes and ears are now open To see and hear you, my child To see and hear…….you. Written September 8th, 2001 © on Sep 08 2001 02:56 AM PST   0 • 10