To My Stepfather

Today I need to say to you   Something from deep within my heart It should have been said a very long time ago But I built my walls to keep the words inside. Thinking it would hurt me to utter them   To you, so deserving. As my childhood dreams became shattered, I had to blame someone for life's cruel fate. You came into my home and became my prey. Unjustly victimized by a child's hopeless frustration   and need to strike out at someone. I looked at you and saw a man   Trying to tear apart what little life I thought was left. Blind to your desire to be the man   Trying to help me construct something from the rubble. I need to tell you that I saw   the pain in your face when I introduced you to my friends   as my mother's husband. I need to tell you that I heard   the hurt in your voice when You reached out to hold me   and I turned away. I need you to know that I did listen   Though at the time I didn't even know that I was. Your voice comes through the past's ugly fog   and now cautiously warms and protects me. I need you to know that I did care. That it was my fierce pride which kept me distant.   Not allowing me to show you that I did need you to care. Not allowing me to cry with you when I saw your tears. But, mostly, I need you to know That I love you For all you tried to do for me, And all that you did do, that only now I am realizing. And what I wanted to tell you today Is that I am sorry, Father. From my deepest heartfelt emotions, I am sorry, Dad. Written September 9th, 2001 © on Sep 08 2001 11:51 PM PST   0 • 10