12 Roses, 12 Excuses Of Why

All dressed up- make up done so well. There was a glimer of hope in my eyes. There was warmth in my smile. By the look on my face, you knew I was alive . . . But inside, you couldn't see- You couldn't see my thoughts, you couldn't feel my pain. You didn't notice my heart breaking ( yet again ) I'm sure you couldn't see my life slipping away. I try so hard to bear it, but alas, I failed! I'm just a worthless nothing, but I held you to your promise. You said you'd be there, you swore this time it would change. Don't lie to me, and lead me to believe. I stared at the door, glancing at the people walking in. Scanning the room to see if I missed you. I gave you the beneift of the doubt, damnit, you proved me right! Others came, but I wanted you, you or no one. I cried and I still do, the beautiful make up dripping down my face. The tears welling, and falling . . down. My eyes denied the gleam, and my voice wavered. I hated you more, with each passing person. I begged silently for "my one," but you weren't there either. He'd make it alright, he'd hold me tight, and whisper lovingly in my ear. But you weren't there either. Music playing, people laughing, and I was dying. I hid it well till the end, then I didn't care. All pretty and feeling good, where were you? What's the new excuse? The one that'll shall make me see, the one that'll make me think twice? The one that'll stop me from hating you? I'm waiting for the "famous line." I don't care anymore, do what you please. You're only hurting me, every note to the song was a slap in the face. Where were you, I'd love to know? Don't promise me the world- if you don't feel like trying. Don't blame it on loss of time, faulty directions. Blame it on you for not caring enough to come! I'm done with you, here or not! You left me roses, but each one held an excuse. With each one, I held so delicately. I knew they really weren't from you, feeling "special" was a lie. If I don't mean anything to you, then don't make me promises that you can't keep. 12 roses, 12 excuses of why you weren't there! Written December 17th, 2001 © on Dec 18 2001 06:53 AM PST   18 • 0 • 10