Youth Group E-Z skits, number 1

Narrator: Welcome to the Hall of Nobility, the international headquarters of the Justice Friends, a band of superheroes devoted to insuring goodness and humanity in all the world. Big name superheroes such as Lord Overkill, The Mariachi Avenger, and Admiral Killstuff are all members of this prestigious organization, however there are quite a few lower-level crime fighters employed by the Justice Friends as well. Crime fighters such as...Professor Looks-like-Lincoln! Who has born with an eerie likeness to one of Americas greatest presidents! Good King Tabasco Sauce, who holds mastery over all things liquid and spicy. Captain Electro, a mighty warrior with electricity surging through his veins...24 hours a day. Finally, there’s Senor Eggbeater-Hands, a straightforward guy with, you guessed it, eggbeaters for hands. Here we se the four of them assembling in Benevolence Hall, the dorm-house for all lower ranking heroes... Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Hey guys, did you see this memo?! Senior Eggbeater-Hands: No Professor, what’s it say? Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: The Justice Friends are “making cutbacks” that means we’re fired for sure! Captain Electro: I really doubt that. Guy: Hey guys, what’re you doin’? Not workin’ any more, that’s for sure, because you’re all FIRED! Good King Tabasco Sauce: Hey don’t say that, we’re essential to the Justice Friends Franchise! Guy: Hey listen pal, face reality. You’ve got terrible super powers, not to terrible names. You just can’t cut it as a hero. Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Well I demand an explanation! Guy: Do I really have to? They call you Professor Looks-Like-Lincoln. You’re only power is that you look like Abraham Lincoln, it’s pathetic! Good King Tabasco Sauce: Hey don’t talk to triple L that way! Guy: Whoa there, Good King Tabasco Sauce. If the Justice Friends ever really need a guy who’s power is to create hot sauce out of thin air, we’ll be sure to call you, ok? Until then, you’re canned. Captain Electro: Surely I’m not fired! I’m not a loser like the rest of these guys! Guy: Hey, Captain Electro. So you generate electricity. That’s not a bad power, but you do it all the time! It really annoys the other super-heroes. We have no use for somebody who can’t control their power. And y- Senior Eggbeater-Hands: You don’t have to say it....I have eggbeaters for hands. Guy: Exactly, you have eggbeaters for hands. I don’t think that needs further explanation. Listen guys, sorry and all, but you’re just not qualified to fight crime. Goodbye (everyone goes and sits down on the altar stairs) Good King Tabasco Sauce: Let me tell you, this is pretty terrible. Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Don’t I know it, what am I going to tell My wife? Well...if I had a wife. Captain Electro: What am I gonna do?! There’s electricity constantly surging through my body! Senior Eggbeater-Hands: Hey listen, don’t complain, I have EGGBEATERS FOR HANDS! Good King Tabasco Sauce: I think we can all agree that we have a terrible rap here. Senior Eggbeater-Hands: I agree to that. It’s not like I asked to be born with eggbeaters for hands. Why did it have to happen to me and not some other guy? Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Yea, I wish I had a cooler superpower than looking like Lincoln....I mean that can just be chalked up to coincidence right? Captain Electro: Hey at least your powers don’t cause you great physical anguish! It’s like having your tongue in a light socket twenty-four hours a day! Good King Tabasco Sauce: In Conclusion, this stinks. What the heck can we do with these lame powers? Associate Christ: Quite a bit, Good King Tabasco Sauce. Senior Eggbeater-Hands: Wow, Jesus?! Associate Christ: No, I’m Corey Feldman, the associate Christ. The Almighty sent me in his place. Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Isn’t the idea of an associate Christ a bit sacrilegious? Associate Christ: Isn’t the idea of a 16 year old kid portraying the son of a God a bit really sacrilegious? Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Touche. Captain Electro: But why have you come to visit a bunch of dried up losers like us? Make fun of us for the terrible gifts God gave us? Associate Christ: No gift of God is terrible. Just because you may seem useless now doesn’t mean you’re not good for anything. You’ve got to take the gifts you have and make the most use of them. Senior Eggbeater-Hands: But what can I do with such a straightforward, simple gift? Associate Christ: I bet there’s a lot of eggs in the world that need beating, old friend. Captain Electro: What about me, why does God deem it necessary that I suffer indefinetly? Associate Christ: You must remember that some gifts come with great responsibility or great cost. Following a straight path is rarely painless. Some are just made to bear more of a burden than others. But did you know that you could power an entire town in Poland with the charge in your body? Captain Electro: Wow, amazing! Associate Christ: Indeed. Good King Tabasco Sauce, your power may seem small and insignificant to the long run, but what you need to remember is that even if you use your talents to benefit mankind in a very small way, you’re helping to make the world a better place. I bet there are many underprivileged people who would love to get a taste of your delicious hot sauce that previously couldn’t. Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: That leaves me...there’s just no room in this world for a man who looks like Lincoln. Associate Christ: No, Professor. Looking like Lincoln isn’t your only gift. Did you know that you’re exceedingly good at accounting? You’ve just never taken the time to develop it. You see, most of the time you have to work hard to nurture your gift to the point where it can be most usefull. Professor Looks-like-Lincoln: Really?! College here I come! Associate Christ: As you can see boys, while the gifts God gave us may seem a bother, or useless, or painful sometimes, we must all remember that they were given to us for a purpose, and using them to their full potential is the only smart thing to do. thumbs upI sometimes write small skits for the youth group at my local church to perform for contemporary worship. Here is the first I wrote of that series. I hope you enjoy it. Written March 14th, 2002 © on Mar 14 2002 02:31 PM PST   0 • 13