Youth Group E-Z Skits, number 2

The Amazing and Outlandish Odyssey of Don Nice Guy Narrator: In the turbulent times of the 1920’s, all of Chicago was plagued by gangsters and their rough n’ tough way of doing things. Many terrifying figures arose in the world of gangland politics. Thugs like Vito “Thumbscrews” Capinello, Jerrod “GreaseGun” Capiak, and Anthony “The Euchinda” Tenerelli rose to the top through their quick wits and trigger fingers. However, for a brief period in 1928, the organized crime scene was dominated by Valentino “Smiles” Vittorio. Nobody could quite figure out how he became so powerful, as his methods were somewhat unconventional. Hood: Don Vitorrio, I’m sorry, I don’t have the money you asked for. I tried, Don Vittorio, but business hasn’t been good lately, and well- Don Vittorio: Oh that’s ok, don’t think another thing of it. Hood: ...Pardon? Don Vittorio: It’s fine, what’s twenty thousand dollars between friends? Bodyguard: ...Boss? Don Vittorio: You heard me, fuhgiddaboutit! Narrator: While other mobsters would’ve resorted to thumb-breaking in that sort of situation, Don Vittorio just shrugged it off and forgave his debtors. His unusual behavior almost always earned the criticism of his underlings, who just couldn’t comprehend such out-of-place generousity. Bodyguard: Uh...Boss...I couldn’t help notice that you ah...let that guy go. Don Vittorio: Yes...? Bodyguard: I mean, he owed you a substantial amount of money, Don Vittorio, nearly enough to buy a Senator. Don Vittorio: Your point? Bodyguard: Well it’s just...in the movies, if a scenario such as that were to arise...well they usually shoot the guy. Don Vittorio: Where’s this going? Bodyguard: I was just wondering if you were planning on...shooting him later or something? Don Vittorio: Now Enzo, can’t you see the advantages of forgiving poor Antonio instead of blowing his brains out? Bodyguard: ...is this a trick question? Don Vittorio: If I held a grudge against Enzo and had him killed, where would I be? Not only would I not have the money, but I would also have the corpse of a good friend to deal with. That’s just not the way things should be run. Why make enemies when you can make friends? Bodyguard: Why do I even have a gun, then? Don Vittorio: Ambiance! Narrator: Over the years, many people came to Don Vittorio begging forgiveness for unpayed debts or wrongs they had done to him. Without fail, the friendly Don always put his differences aside and forgave them. Don Vittorio: Oh don’t worry Officer, you’re right, liquor is illegal! Ahh it’s no problem Vinnie, I can always get another chain of nightclubs. Hey don’t worry about that whole blowing up my house incident, Biagio. Just don’t let it happen again. Narrator: Soon however, the Don’s good nature affected business, and the Vittorio family became steadily weaker. One night, one of the rival crimebosses ordered a hit on the hapless hoodlum during a visit to his favorite store. Don Vittorio: Yes, I’d like ten of those goldfish. No not that one, he’s too sickly. The big one. There we go. (three assassins run in from offstage carrying water pistols) Assassin 1: Sorry Don Vittorio, nothing personal. (the assassins shoot the Don with their water pistols) Don Vittorio: Mama Mia, that’s a spicy meatball! (the Don collapses as the assassins run away) Narrator: Don Vittorio had one of the most well-attended funerals in the history of organized crime. While some of those he had forgiven were ingrateful, most of them were sincerely thankful to the Don, and showed their respects at the service. By that time, the soul of Don Vittorio had passed through purgatory and ascended to Heaven. Dressed in his finest white pinstriped suit, he knelt before Jesus. Don Vittorio: Ah geez, the big guy himself...what can I say, my lord? I’ve lead a life full of thievery and vice...I’ve commited sins by the dozen every day since high school...I’m one of the sleaziest, slimiest, bottom-of-the-barrel mobsters that have ever passed the pearly gates. But...I’m sorry. Narrator: Don Vittorio cringed as he anticipated the wrathful judgement he felt sure awaited him. Remarkably, this was not the case. Jesus: You are forgiven, my son. Don Vittorio: ....pardon? Jesus: you heard me, Fuhgettaboutit!the second skit that I had my youth group perform. Short. Written March 18th, 2002 © on Mar 17 2002 03:06 PM PST   0 • 13