My Story (not a poem)

Okay, I thought that I should put all of this out there, for one reason because I have been coming here for awhile and another because I guess it will feel good to get it off my chest. I want to start off by saying that my real name is chauna and I am 20 yrs old. I have a 11 month old son. Alot of the poetry that I have written was for his dad. I was in live with the man for many years, the only thing that I didn't realize was that he put up a front about everything, from the truck that he "owned" to the money that he had to the love he had for me, it was all a lie. I fell in love with that person though. In the midst of all this I let that get in the way of my freindships. I let him take me over. well years went by and I got pregnant by him, now, we both worked together so I wasn't allowed to tell anyone that I was pregnant by him. Most of my closest freinds worked with me, so I had to lie to them too. We went to dinner one night and he told me that if I kept it a secret then he would be there for me after the baby was born, if I didn't, he wouldn't. So I did what he told me to, I was scared, it was my first kid and I thought that I needed him to be there. Well the night my son was born he showed up at the hospital (about 5 hours after I had been paging him). He was by my side through the whole delivery adn told me that he was going home but he would be back the next day. So teh next day he called me and it sounded like everything was fine, although he said he couldn't make it up to the hospital. So I said fine, you have to be up here tommorrow to sign the birth certificate, he said okay. Well the next day came, and I get a call from him saying that he can't make it, that he doesn't want to sign the birth certificate because he doesn't think that the baby is his. That crushed me, and to make it worse was his reason was because he didn't think that it was a mixed baby, my son is mixed but he didn't look mixed when he was born, none ever do. So we took the paternity test, and of course it showed he was the father, but he has yet to call or write or stop by to see how his son is doing. My son is about to turn a year old. He has 2 other kids that I know of. The one he is the best dad in the world to, he was his first and he was married when he had him. The other one he has yet to see, He was married to the girl but he also beat her and her 4 yr old and told her she couldn't pick up her son when he was in the crib crying because it would spoil him, so he laid in his bed all day, she left him thank God. As of right now I have yet to recieve any kind of support, but I am fighting for it. I am involved with a wonderful man right now, he has been more of a dad to my son than his real dad has. I do not push it on him though, it's a big responsibility. Well it feels good to get all of that off of my chest. I hope this explains my poetry a little better. thanks for reading! Written January 20th, 2002 © on Jan 20 2002 01:26 PM PST, Chauna   18 • 0 • 10