My World Is Falling Part

I thought I had it bad before I just found out my good freind has cancer, she only has a short while to live, this is the same person that I neglected to call in the last 5 months and all of the sudden an IM pops up on my screen from her, and when asked why I haven't called a simple "I have been busy" isn't enough anymore. My other freind is about to have a baby, yet another statistic of a single mother, the dad not wanting anything to do with the whole thing. My boyfriend seems like he could care less about the fact that I talk about another man constantly around him, I don't know if it's because he doesn't know the extent of it or if he even cares. My second mom has 6 months to live and the other day when I went over there she was so doped up on drugs she was planning ways to kill herself. And all this time while this is happening I have to believe it is for a reason, I have to believe that fate has played some role, but damn if it isn't hard. It is hard to be 20 yrs old with a one yr old who will never see his father because the man is so into his drugs and his toys to give 2 shits if his son eats But I have to stay strong right, I mean I have to act like my mind is capable of comprehending that life is full of these kinds of mysteries, you know the whole "let destiny play it's role" thing. I don't want to anymore. I want to be 6 yrs old again when all I had to worry about was who I was going to play with and when christmas was. I just don't want to cry anymore.Guys I am really reaching out here, I don't want to sound desperate but please give some advice or something, I am loosing it... Written March 4th, 2002 © on Mar 04 2002 01:51 PM PST, Chauna   18 • 0 • 1